Yo Santa, here is mah wishlist.

Yo Santa,

Kelly told me that you (and the interwebs) wanted to know what I'm hankering for this Christmas. Now, you know I've been a bad girl. A bad, baaaaad girl.

If being bad constitutes swearing and eating a truckload of calories. Hmm.

In any case, like a bratty little bastard, I've put together mah wishlist. Read it and weep then deliver, you jolly red and white fool!

Bestow upon me a rare, exotic condition where I vomit money. On a daily basis. Therefore fixing our financial problems, and allowing me to not have to return to work.

image from here.

Allow Kate Middleton to enjoy her pregnancy ... and puke in peace. I puked for the entire duration of my pregnancy with Amelia, sometimes up to six times a day. In public. On the side of the road. Half way through dinner at a restaurant. You name the place, I puked there. I can not even imagine what that would have been like to do with paps snapping me off all day long. LEAVE HER ALONE!

image from here.

Fetch me my very own grumpy cat. My boys, all three of them, are beautiful but I am so tired of them horking up hair balls then chasing that with a vomit on the floor in the lounge room. No, I'm really tired of it. If I walk in it again, I will not be responsible. Lest we not mention the little incidence two nights ago when Leroy ran in at midnight with a half dead bird in his mouth and raced into Amelia's room before promptly spitting it out onto her bed. WHAT THE FUCK, LEROY? Grumpy cat can just come to mah house and be all grumpy and lazy - Just like her (because Grumpy Cat is actually PMS cat and by that, I mean a girl) new owner. Ahem.

The return of my sewing mojo would be really nice too, please Santa. I really enjoyed making stuff and being a crafty bastard when I was pregnant with Abi Dabby Doo. Ryan even treated me to a brand new sewing machine just after she was born - It has sat in my cupboard ever since. Mocking me. I'd also be able to brag that I've done more each day than just sprayed mah pits and kept the kids alive ...

 All seriousness, this is what I really want for Christmas. Like really. In real life.

Nectar of the gods, come to thee!

And last but not least, may you ensure that I never, NEVER NEVER FUCKING EVER have to hear these two knob jockies defile a Christmas carol ever again.

image from here.

MAH EARS, THEY BLEEEEEED!

Thanks Santa, I'll be sure to leave a coldie out for yah x